Friday, February 25, 2011

Day Nineteen: An Open Letter

Since I was too busy playing meteorologist yesterday, I didn't get a chance to write this blog.  Even with the extra time, however, I'm still having trouble choosing a subject for my letter.  The challege is to post a picture and a letter.  I debated just posting the following:

Dear Tornadoes,

You suck.  Go to hell. 

Love,

Amber


Since I'm not one for taking the easy way out, though, that was simply out of the question.  When I went to bed last night, I thought about this challenge and kept coming back to the same person.  I decided I'm just not ready to write that letter yet.  I'm still in the tiniest bit of denial and to be honest, I don't feel like ripping my own heart out of my chest.  The one other person I considered (and boy would it be a great blog) would hate me forever and it would cause all sorts of problems in the family, so that one's out, too. 

So now I have Day 20 breathing down my neck and a squirmy baby in my lap, and I STILL don't really know to whom I'm writing this letter for Day 19.  Therefore, I'm going to write "Dear" in the space below and stare at it until I think of somebody.

Dear...

(approximately 20 minutes and one diaper change later)

Wait a dang minute!  I don't have to write a letter.  It can be a letter that already exists!  I can scan it in and post it and kill the proverbial two birds with one stone!  But which letter?  One someone has written to me?  One I've written to John (since he's such a sweetheart and keeps them all)?  Then I remembered the notebook I kept in the months leading up to our wedding.  I started it when I was living at my parents for the summer and he was living at his mom's over an hour away (and working in a DIFFERENT town an hour from both of us).  After spending so much time together when we were at the university, it was hard to be apart.  I got a little notebook and started writing him.  Even after we both moved to Memphis, I continued writing to him.  Ten days after we married, our country was attacked.  I wrote page after page those next few days as I watched so many people grieving and thought about my own new marriage and how much it meant to me.  Though I'd thought I would give him the notebook on our first anniversary, my last entry was September 13th.  I remember thinking, "He should have this now in case I don't get another chance."  I know it's morbid, but if you're old enough to truly remember and understand that awful day, you will understand my mindset.

I went to the box where John keeps my letters, cards and other mementos from our relationship (including the notes from the art papers I helped him write when we were dating!), and I found the notebook.  As I read through the letters, I began to wonder if my idea was such a good one.  Everything was either way too personal or just plain silly (and also loooong since--as you've learned--I am long-winded in so many ways).  I had just finished reading the one I wrote the night before our wedding and laughing at how giddy I was when I turned to page to a very short letter.  Though our wedding day had been one of the busiest days of my life, at some point I had stopped and written in the notebook.  I can't remember exactly the moment, but I have a sneaking suspicion it was while I was peeing. 

I read through the little note and my eyes got a little damp when I realized I still feel the same way. 

This September we will celebrate our 10th anniversary.  This is a bit premature, but in honor of that day, I want to share what was on my heart the day I gave it away.  Yes, it's mushy and part of me hesitates to share it with the whole wide world, but why shouldn't people know how much I love my husband?


So there is my letter and my picture, all wrapped up in one.  I guess I did cut a few corners, but it's time to feed the Peanut, so the timing couldn't be better. 

Now on to Day 20.

5 comments:

Mom~2~R5Sons said...

since I'm new to your blog and too lazy to run back 20 blogs or so to find out on my own. Where did you come up with the "Day ?" blogs?? I like the idea of having a set daily topic. My mind rambles quite a bit and I tend to have a bazillion things floating around up there and it's hard to settle on one subject.

Day 19: Sweet!

John said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
a.j.g. said...

It's actually the "30-Day Photo Challenge" from Facebook. You're supposed to make an album and put the required picture in it each day. I decided to use it as inspiration for my blog since I was trying to write more. Hopefully this will motivate me to write each day! Thank you so much for reading! Hope you're enjoying it

Sandra said...

Save all of this for your little girl to read someday. She will love it.

a.j.g. said...

Trust me, I will. There are a few pages I may remove just to save her from any "overshares." There are some things we don't even want to THINK about our parents doing. heh heh