Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Early Thanks

As most of you know, I teach public high school where I run across the products of what may possibly be the world's worst parenting. I won't get into the stories, but let's just say some of these kids didn't have a chance when the,ir mommas pushed them from the womb. Hell, some of them weren't even safe IN the womb. I've encountered some of the most broken, hopeless kids in the almost seven years I've been teaching, and most of the time I really understood these students once I met their parent or parents. These kids are used as slave labor, punching bags, emotional crutches, bargaining chips, piggy banks and everything else that a child should not be used for.

I say all of this so that you understand my "thankfulness." I am thankful for two parents who loved, nurtured, supported and actually RAISED me. They didn't baby me, they weren't permissive and they never UTTERED the words, "My child would NEVER..."

I had parents who made every effort to know who I was with and what I was doing. They were intrusive and strict and everything I thought they shouldn't be. They gave me rules and curfews. They knew all of my friends and wouldn't allow me to leave the house with some guy who pulled up and honked his horn. They took and/or dragged me to church every time the doors opened. They insisted we eat dinner as a family. They attended my ballgames, recitals and school plays. They made sacrifices. And at the time, I didn't appreciate a bit of it.

I understand now that my parents loved me and made ME their priority without turning me into a spoiled, pampered brat. They taught me that I was worth more than a label on a shirt, more than what a boy told me I was worth. They knew that my entire life would be shaped by what they taught me and the guidance they provided.

Did I screw up? Constantly. Was I the perfect, well-balanced kid and teen? Hell no. I drove them absolutely nuts. My parents spent more time on their knees than anyone should have to, praying for their crazy kid. But despite the mistakes I made, I've turned into a pretty damned decent adult if I say so myself. And I know that it's because of them and their constant encouragement, wisdom and prayers that I'm the woman I am today. To be honest, I might not even be alive and well if it weren't for my parents' constant intercessory prayers for me.

I am so thankful for my parents. I can only hope that I'm half the parent they were and still are.

Thank you, Momer and Diddy. I love you.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sunday Idleness

Things I Should Be Doing Right Now
Cleaning my house
Doing laundry
Grading papers
Finishing my students' progress reports

Things I'd Rather Be Doing Right Now (SIMULTANEOUSLY)
Chilling on the couch
Finishing reading Watchmen
Catching up on stuff I've TIVO'd

Saturday, November 15, 2008

100 THINGS ABOUT me

Several of my friends and blog buddies have posted 100 things about themselves. I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Don't feel like you have to read all of this (or any of this). I just need something to blog about. (And if you don't mind, Beth, I'm going to use some of your blog for ideas) :)

1. I love to drive, and not just because I hate being a passenger in a car. I have a bit of a phobia about riding with people which prompts me to offer to drive all the time. I actually like to drive, though. I've always liked it. When I first got my license, all I wanted to do was drive. People told me it would wear off as I got older. I don't get excited every time a start a car now, but I still do enjoy being on the road.

2. One of my earliest memories is going to the zoo with my parents. I don't think my brother was born, so I was younger than three. I remember my dad picking me up because my mom was worried about me squeezing through the bars of an exhibit. Once he picked me up, I could see over the railing. There was a hippo below, and he opened his mouth wide. It scared me to death.

3. I French kissed for the first time in 4th grade. I had a boyfriend and some of the other girls dared us to do it. I had no idea what it was. They told me to kiss with our tongues. I totally did it, and I thought it was disgusting. So did he.

4. I've always wanted to adopt children. A bunch of them.

5. I don't understand couples who make a habit of letting their kids sleep in the bed with them; however, I have no problem letting my two dogs sleep with us.

6. When I was a little girl, I'd play house. I'd always have kids but no husband.

7. One of my high school friends asked me on a date once. I told him I thought it was a bad idea to date friends. He died the next year when we were seniors. I've always regretted that I didn't say yes.

8. I've had the same email address since 1996. I constantly have to explain what it means to people.

9 . I have a hard time when my favorite shows go off the air. In fact, I get kind of emotional on the last episode of every show, even if I haven't watched it much.

10. I desperately want to be a red head but don't want to commit to the upkeep.

11. I've worn contacts since 6th grade. I almost never take them out except to change to a new pair. By everyone else's account, I should be blind by now.

12. I truly wish I didn't talk so much. It's like a bad habit, though.

13. I've always had a thing for older guys/men, but my husband is 13 months younger than I am.

14. I don't celebrate Valentines' Day. I don't need a day on the calendar to tell my husband how much I love him.

15. I love accents.

16. In high school, I wanted to join the military. I scored super high on the ASVAB and recruiters were beating down my door. I could have gone to college for free in return for serving four years afterward. My dad would have loved nothing more than for me to follow in his footsteps. My mother put her foot down, though, and nixed my plans. I would have graduated from college three months before 9/11.

17. I can't watch anything with bones breaking. Blood and guts don't bother me, but a broken leg sends me running.

18. I hate to itch. I'd rather be in pain than to itch. When I got attacked by the fire ants recently, I actually scratched my foot until it bled. It hurt like crazy, but it stopped the itching for awhile. I was much happier.

19. Growing up, I was convinced a guy hanged himself in our attic. I have no idea where I got this.

20. I always loved being on stage because I could be someone besides me.

21. When I was little, I used to play school. My dad had brought home some old workbooks from a garage sale. I'd write my stuffed animals' names on the books and teach them.

22. I played Ouiser Boudreaux in Steel Magnolias in college. I told the director I'd break someone's legs if I didn't get the part. I was mostly kidding.

23. My first car was named Ozzie the ThunderOstrich. He drowned.

24. I don't consider pickles to be real food. You might as well be eating a booger.

25. For about two years, I didn't eat red meat. I'm not sure what prompted me to do this or why I started eating it again. I love me some cheeseburgers, though.

26. Lately, I won't eat chicken if I had to touch it while it was raw.

27. I wish I loved football. I try so hard.

28. I have the craziest dreams. I always try to connect them to something I've witnessed during the day, but they're totally random and often terrifying.

29. I can almost always tell when I'm being used, but it doesn't bother me that much.

30. I've slept with the same stuffed animal for almost 15 years. His name is Alfred. He started out as a security blanket during a depression during my early teens. And while he still offers comfort, I have to sleep with him or my shoulder kills me the next morning. I've tried to replace him with something less embarrassing to carry through the airport, but I've slept with him so long that he's kind of molded to fit my body. John says he stinks, but I'm terrified he'll fall apart if I wash him.

31. I have four siblings but rarely see three of them.

32. My feet sweat so much. If the rest of me sweat like my feet do, I could never leave the house.

33. I started reading Stephen King books in elementary school. It started with Cujo. I've always loved horror novels. I can't watch the movies anymore, though.

34. I love Autumn but I always get depressed.

35. As a child, I told people I wanted to be a pediatric anasteseologist. I learned it from a commercial and loved saying it.

36. There was a very brief period in my life when I used to shoplift. I have no idea why I did it and always felt guilty.

37. I knew that we were meant to adopt Lady the moment I saw her.

38. I paid someone to clean my house recently and felt like the biggest failure as a woman and wife.

39. I feel guilty for not visiting my grandparents more, but it's almost unbearable to see them in their current condition. I also live in fear that my parents will end up like them.

40. When I was little, I wanted to be on the Opry. Now I just want to get something published. Hopefully my writing is better than my singing.

41. I could eat cheese at every meal. I love it like most women love chocolate.

42. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm only one tragedy away from becoming an alcoholic.

43. I wish I had the time and money to study photography. It's not something I want to make money from, I just want to be better at it.

44. I am terrified of spiders, even little ones.

45. I knew I wanted to marry John on our 2nd date. I told him on our 3rd.

46. I want to hug a panda before I die.

47. The first time I flew was to Boston. It was less than a year after 9/11. The security there was easier to get through than at Memphis and Charlotte (where our connecting flight was). It was kind of scary.

48. On a couple of occasions, people have given me creepy looks in parking lots. Ibroke out into a dead run and didn't stop until I was in my car.

49. Nothing feels better than having all of my laundry done.

50. I want to be cremated.

51. I never thought my mother would be my best friend, but she is.

52. I miss making out.

53. I text way too much for an almost 30-year-old woman.

54. I don't understand the hooplah over the Twilight series. I'm happy that people are reading, but there are so many better books. Stephanie Meyer uses the same 15 vocabulary words over and over.

55. I don't believe that people who commit suicide are damned to hell.

56. I'm hesitant to watch any show on Fox because they end up cancelling everything I like, sometimes before the end of the first season.

57. I don't own an iPod.

58. I'm terrible about keeping in touch with people like I should. It's a serious source of guilt, especially since I think about them all the time.

59. I believe in prayer, but still don't pray as much as I should.

60. I've given up on getting people to like me. If you don't like me, you don't. I don't want to do anything to hurt anyone, but if you just don't like who I am, I'm not offended.

61. I think Pilot stations have the best coffee.

62. I could drink milk with every meal as long as it's skim and served over ice.

63. Not to sound egotistical, but I feel like I have some sort of big purpose in life that I'm meant to fulfill. I'm still waiting to find out what it is.

64. There is a special place in hell for people who abuse children, the elderly and the mentally ill. I'm a big believer in the whole "what you do to the least of these you do to me" thing. Oh, and dogs. If you hurt dogs, you're an asshole.

65. I haven't worn a pair of shorts in public in years.

66. I look forward to being a mother.

67. I have a stack of books that's almost waist high that I need to read. I can't walk into a book store without leaving with a purchase. Same goes for Sams. Their books are always discounted and I can't resist.

68. I plan on doing a majority of my Christmas shopping online this year. I already have about a quarter of it done.

69. I'm a huge fan of Pixar movies and usually end up crying while I watch them. I'm so excited about Wall-E coming out on Tuesday!

70. I see faces in the designs in marble, tile, wallpaper, etc.

71. I used to think needing someone was a sign of weakness. Then I met John.

72. I love summer shoes and winter clothes.

73. People should have to pass some sort of competency test to have children. I have to fight the urge on a daily basis to tell some parents what dumbasses they are.

74. I don't understand how racist people can call themselves Christians. It angers and frustrates me, but I usually keep my mouth shut just to keep the peace. I know that I am a part of the problem if I don't speak up, but I feel like I need to be in these people's lives to try to change their minds.

75. I had a parakeet named DJ for years. He was around 8 when he died. He started having fits. He'd fly around his cage and crash into the walls. Sometimes he'd just fall off his perch. He died while I was on vacation, one of several animals that died while I was away. Strange.

76. I love the Counting Crows and think August and Everything After is one of the best CDs ever.

77. I am still a huge Dixie Chicks fan and don't care who knows it. Their last album got me through some hard times.

78. I love to sleep late. Really late. I've been getting up earlier on the weekends, though, since I started taking valerian root and going to bed early.

79. I am inspired by people who forgive.

80. I wish I knew more history. I took AP U.S. History in high school and earned 6 college credits, so I took none in college. Most of what I know I read myself or learned from my dad.

81. I think marijuana should be legalized.

82. I'm pretty much okay with being the ugly friend.

83. There are very few things I'd like to go back and change in my life. There are a few people I've hurt, though. I hope they know how sorry I am.

84. I can sleep better during the day than at night.

85. My middle name was Leigh. When I married, I kept my maiden name as my middle name.

86. I am extremely ticklish and I can't STAND to be tickled. I warn people that I can't be held responsible for what I do if they tickle me.

87. I've always liked my boobs. I'm not sure if it's because I decided I liked them or because all the guys liked them.

88. When I started college, I planned to major in nursing.

89. If I'm listening to "Raining in Baltimore" I either need you to give me a hug or leave me alone. It's up to you to figure out.

90. I want two tattoos.

91. There are three kisses that stand out in my mind: one in a car, one in a church and one under a tree in the rain.

92. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt more than I should.

93. I type very well because I learned on an old manual typewriter as a kid.

94. I love to color.

95. I used to want five kids. Now I want three. I'll have to have twins on the 2nd shot, though.

96. I hate the way I sound on the radio.

97. Earlier this year, I spent six hours driving through the mountains by myself.

98. I can't wear perfume anymore. I also have to avoid certain scents of deodorant, hairspray, etc. I get severe headaches.

99. I have an overactive imagination which is great when I'm writing but not so great when I'm by myself or in a relationship. I've had to work on it over the years so that I don't drive myself and others crazy.

100. Twenty nine is a weird age. I'm actually ready to be thirty. That may change, though. :)

Photo Update

Here are a few recent pictures from my life. Click on any that you'd like to see up close.

My girl J.W. got married in October. She was the most beautiful bride. I'm so happy for her and so thankful that she found her soulmate.

I was blessed to be a part of their special day.


The Bean turned one year old. She's growing so fast. She's crawling everywhere and standing up on her on. She's even trying to talk! I can honestly say I look forward to being a mom.






Saturday Evening Post

I haven't posted much lately. And what I have posted has been from other sources, not original. To be honest, I've been a bit afraid to write. If I start writing, things start coming out, and there are too many things that --much as I might like to--I don't need to share in a public forum. I can't keep avoiding my blog, though. It has no real purpose for anyone else, but writing is therapy for me.

My days have pretty much been running together. Get up early, go to work, sit in my room in the afternoon working on lessons and grading, come home, eat, take my valerian root, watch some TV, go to bed. Wash, Rinse, Repeat. At times, I find comfort in my routine, but some days I feel like I'm running on a hampster wheel. While it can be reassuring to know what's coming next, the redundancy is sometimes... well, redundant. I can't say I'm bored, but I do feel my life lacks a healthy share of excitement.

School is stil tiring and I'm still frustrated on a daily basis, but things have been better recently. A majority of my students hasve started to calm down somewhat. They seem more focused and are better at coming to class prepared. Their attitudes are also improving, which allows me to get to know them better and make a connection. I realized recently that I made a mistake by not requiring journals this year. Usually, I have my students keep a journal; I assign two topics a week. The journals are not graded on grammar or spelling, just content. These journals allow the students to share their lives and allow me to respond to them. I decided against journals this year due to the number of classes and students I teach. I just didn't think I'd be able to read them all. I regret that decision now. I should have sucked it up and made the time. I feel like I would be so much further along with them at this point. C'est la vie.

Holiday season is arriving, which means my weekends will be more full than usual. I desperately needed to spend today cleaning and grading papers. My house is disgusting and I'm supposed to hand out progress reports on Monday. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning with perhaps the worst headache I've ever experienced. The only one that could touch this was the three-day sinus headache I had in college. I couldn't even move. Today's headache started in the base of my neck and worked its way up over my head and into my temples. By the time it was done, even my cheekbones were throbbing. John gave me something to take and heated up all of the bed buddies we have. I buried my head underneath them and slept for awhile. I'm still not pain free but it's only a dull ache now. I'm totally wiped out which sucks because I need to go and buy a couple of gifts for tomorrow.

Not much else to write right now. Well, that's a lie. There's just not much I'm going to right. Sorry for the tone of this. I'll be more chirpy next time.