Sunday, February 27, 2011

Day Twenty-One: Elective Amnesia

29.5 hours.  That's how long this particular blog has been in progress.  I've said before that there wasn't really anything challenging about the "30-Day Challenge" but perhaps I was wrong.  I honestly don't know if I will finish this blog--at least not if I actually write about the topic.  I've stopped and started so many times that I'm fairly certain I've rendered the entire thing incoherent.  Read on if you'd like, but as usual, you're free to employ the little red "X" of death if so inclined. 

I have been blessed that my life has been more good than bad, more happy than sad (it seems I've also been blessed with the ability to inadvertently make rhymes).  My life isn't always easy, but I really can't complain, especially since so many of the difficult times were pretty much self inflicted.  I've always been of the opinion that everything I do and especially those things done to me has made me who I am. Change one thing or forget one lesson learned, and my entire life could be drastically different.  So when I read the challenge for Day 21, I honestly drew a blank. 
What is the one thing you wish you could forget? 
The more I thought about it, the more I realize how blessed I have been.  I know people who have been through hell and back, who have suffered, who have witnessed or been subjected to unspeakable, unforgivable acts.  I can't even start to comprehend how they pick up the pieces of their broken hearts and broken lives and go on living in a world who just can't relate to them anymore on so many levels.  When I think back, there just isn't anything in my life that has affected me so profoundly that I would pray for it to be wiped from my memory.  Yes, there has been pain, but I know that I grew from that pain, I learned from that pain.  It made me stronger and wiser and it helped me become the woman I am now.  I'm not saying that I'm someone to be held in great esteem, but anyone who's known me over the years has to admit that I've grown. 

So I'm left with a sea of white to fill with a memory that doesn't really exist.  There was one instance that crossed my mind, something that I do not dwell on but that creeps up on me at my most insecure times.  I pondered that memory for awhile and came to the conclusion that even it does not qualify for total erasure (and to be perfectly honest, it is a part of my life that I will never discuss in this blog). 

I tried to think of a different approach to this blog, perhaps something witty or funny.  But instead I keep finding myself leaning back in my chair, closing my eyes, and silently thanking God that He kept his hand on me all these years.  From a small, helpless child to a rebellious, lost young adult and everything in between and since, I have been blessed with protection.   So I am stepping back from the keyboard and accepting that this time I cannot meet the challenge.  Normally that would bother me, but this time I'm perfectly okay with it. 

Saying a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight.

1 comment:

Heaven Bound said...

Sounds like you wrote the perfect response to the topic! Not everyone can have something to put there, and in the USA very few have a right to put something there. But in other parts of the world, that could be a different story. I've seen friends lives torn by rape, I've seen hunger first hand in Peru. I've seen child mistreatment, and prostitution outside my window grown up as a child. But seeing these things from the outside had soften my heart for people. God has used the hard times in my life too. But then again, in the grand scheme of things, what I just classified as hard would be a walk in the park for someone else, and for another person might have been more than they could handle.
I guess I just wanted to say that I love your response. I wish that I had better grammer and spelling. Reading 3 of your blogs has given me some desire to do this too. I don't know how this works. But we'll see if this inspiration leads anywhere or not. Thanx!