Monday, February 20, 2012

Opening Up

So James Lipton and I were hanging out at Burger King the other day, splitting a Whopper Jr. and a jamocha shake we snuck in from Arby’s.  Jimbo has been hounding me for months to answer the questions on his ridiculous Proust-esque questionnaire, so I finally acquiesced to his wishes and gave it a shot.  What follows are my mostly truthful and uncensored responses.  Please direct all complaints and grievances to management. 

What is your favorite word?  My toddler would swear it’s “no” and “stop.”  Based on my blog, it’s “ridiculous.”  To be honest, I use that word entirely too much.  It’s ridiculous how much I use the word ridiculous.  I also like variations like redonkulous and Rickdiculous.  Oh, and re-damn-diculous for special occasions.  Considering my previous profession, I should probably find a more impressive word to label “favorite.”  Or at least choose something that’s super fun to say, like “fiduciary” or “homogenized.”  What about “bifurcate”?  That sounds a little dirty. 

What is your least favorite word?  “So?” (but only with the question mark) 

What turns you on, creatively, spiritually or emotionally?  Rawness.  Music that is raw.  Art that is raw.  People who are raw, who will rip out what is inside and display it for the world to see, especially in an attempt to promote solidarity or understanding. 

What turns you off, creatively, spiritually or emotionally?  Celebrated ignorance.  It makes me want to strap a bomb to myself.  Or to someone else.

What sound or noise do you love?  My child or my husband laughing.  If they’re both laughing at the same time, there’s a chance I may explode from sheer happiness (which is much preferred over exploding due to having a bomb strapped to me). 

What sound or noise do you hate?  In my past life, it was the sickening sound of the copy machine malfunctioning.  It was usually either THUMP or squeeeeeaaal followed by the three beeps of death followed by groans and not-quite-under-their-breath cursing from the teachers behind me.    These days, I’ll go with any loud noise during my child’s nap time.   

What is your favorite curse word?  I’ll give you a hint:  I didn’t learn it from watching basic cable.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?  Prop mistress.  Or professional napper.

What profession would you not like to do?  Storm chaser.  [Favorite curse word] a bunch of that.  I’ll be in my hidey hole if you need me. 

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?  “I won’t hold that against you.” 

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