Wives & Husbands

On Sunday, Pastor Marcus Kelley shared some great points about husbands and wives (and I'm paraphrasing this so forgive me if I don't get it all right). He said what most wives want is to know that they are loved and cherished by their husbands. And we don't need to hear it every once in a while or on special occasions. We want to know if you love us and value us TODAY. Men are different. Husbands want to know that their wives respect them. They want us to believe in them and see their strength. (Everything after this is my ramblings, so if I tick anyone off, don't throw fruit at Bro. Marcus--hee hee) 

Now I imagine there are a lot of folks who would struggle with that. Let's be honest--there are wives who aren't especially lovable. And there are husbands who aren't respectable people. 

 Let me talk to the ladies first since I am one. 

 All the time, I see women post, "Well, if he doesn't love me at my worst, he doesn't deserve me at my best!" And it's true that we need to love the good and the bad in people, but it's not a green light to be hateful and flat out unlovable all the time. And I see women post embarrassing and degrading things about their husbands, publically making fun of his mistakes or shortcomings or complaining about him. Women get away with bashing their husbands in ways that would NEVER fly if the roles were reversed. Imagine a man getting online and telling everyone how his wife is always behind on laundry or she can't cook as well as his mom. Or announcing to a group of friends how she gets on his nerves. Lord help the husband who did that! But women do it CONSTANTLY. And then they wonder why he's not more loving or attentive? Men want to be the leader. They want to feel respected. No good will ever come from emasculating them. 

 Now, while you guys are nodding your heads, listen up. If you want to be the leader, BE THE LEADER. If you want to be respected, BE RESPECTABLE. Too often, women try to take control because we are control freaks or we underestimate you. For that, I apologize. But a lot of times, women have to step up because YOU. ARE. NOT. You aren't being the protector. You aren't being the spiritual leader. You aren't setting good examples for your children. It's easy to say women are just hard to please or we're overbearing (because Lord knows some of us ARE), but make sure before you pin it on us that you've seriously evaluated yourself. 

 Martin Luther wrote, "“Let the wife make her husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” Yes, yes, YES! Wives, if you want your husband to love you, BE LOVABLE. Make him want to come home to you. I'm not talking about your housework. I'm talking about YOU. Make him look forward to being with you. And men, don't do things that make her want you out of the house! Don't be an overgrown child she's raising! Be the man she needs. And both of you, be kind to one another. If you have kids, they are watching! If you don't have kids, the world is watching. And if you're Christians, your marriage is part of your witness. 

Going back to Bro. Marcus's sermon for a minute. He said something along the lines of, "You show me a courageous, man of God and more often than not, he has a wife who prays for and encourages him." 

 Wives, pray for your husband. And husbands, pray for your wives. Go the next step and pray WITH your wives. What an incredible way to build intimacy. On more than one occasion, I've heard people talk about how it's hard to stay upset if you're praying together. 

 I don't say any of this from a high horse or a soap box. As a wife, I KNOW I get more wrong than I do right. I fail every day. Every. Single. Day. And before someone accuses me of passive-aggressively bashing my own husband with this post, that's not my intention at all. This was just what was on my heart to share for all husbands and wives. It wasn't directed at anyone in particular (except myself).