I wrote this hours ago and just haven't been able to bring myself to posting it. This was extremely hard for me to write and I know it won't be easy for some people to read. It's been in my heart for so long, though. ~ajg
My goal as I begin this blog is that it doesn't get too long. I'm sure you're saying, "Wait a minute, all of her blogs are long." True, but this one could become epic if I'm not careful. You see, Day 24 of the "30-Day Challenge" is a picture of something you wish you could change. I have zero problems coming up with an answer. I have a million problems in that I can think of right at a million things I wish I could change. To narrow it down, I need to decide how personal I want to make this particular blog. I admit that there are times I hold back or censor myself to a degree, not to hide anything about me but to spare the feelings of those close to me. I also find myself sometimes avoiding topics that will be difficult for me to write from an emotional standpoint. But as I've said before, I write because it's cheaper than therapy, so I need to pour it all out if I expect to get any results or achieve anything remotely resembling catharsis.
If God or a genie or a magic Mexican jumping bean (what?) told me, "You can change any one thing, past or present," I would deserve a severe beating if I used this opportunity to change something petty (my weight) or selfish (my weight). Shouldn't I use this opportunity to do something bigger? Something that would affect thousands or even millions of people? Stop the wars? Feed the children? Cure cancer? Yes, I should. And I like to say that I would. But I wouldn't. To a degree, I would be selfish. I wouldn't change something that would only help me, but I would ask for changes for those I love. These aren't changes that would affect the world, but they would affect the world's of people in my life.
There are two people who left this world long before they should have. I know that by saying that it sounds like I'm trying to play God, but I can live with that. One of these people I knew for 18 years. One I never got the chance to even meet. If I had the chance to bring them back, though, to change the timeline of their life to include at least a few extra years, I would do it without even blinking.